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A Taxonomy of Capitalist Sharks |
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"Some clever capitalist Sharks painted themselves Green; some even pretended to be Vegetarians the better to lull their Prey!"
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Trying to reform Capitalism makes about as much sense as trying to convert a Shark to Vegetarianism. It is also dangerous. Don't get too close to those gaping greedy Jaws if you don't want to get eaten alive - the cruel Fate of many idealistic Liberals! Alas, the sorry History of five hundred years of capitalist 'Progress' points to the Conclusion that by its very Nature Capitalism cannot sustain its Growth without consuming Workers' Lives and chewing up the Natural World - no more than a Shark can survive without gorging on fresh Blood and Flesh... The original breeding Ground of capitalist Sharks was Western Europe, where they set about devouring the Commons, knocking down their cottages and hanging the Homeless as 'Vagabonds,' devaluing the Labor of Women and persecuting them as Witches, driving formerly free Yeomen Farmers off the green Land and into dismal Factories. The first capitalist Sharks were sighted off the American Shores as early as 1492, ravaging the Caribbean. In their savage Hunger for Silver and Gold, they nearly exterminated the Natives. The greedy Colonial sharks had to replace the dead Natives with ever fresh supplies of kidnapped Africans to be worked to Death as Slaves. The voracious White European Sharks grew larger and bolder over time, battening on Generations of toiling Men, Women and Children, sucking in and slowly chewing their Substance through fourteen daily hours of dreary Labor in soot-darkened Satanic Mills or under the lash on their Estates and Plantations. As the capitalist Sharks grew their Appetites increased, and by the end of the 19th Century ravenous full-grown Imperialist sharks were swarming in a Feeding Frenzy, driven by a desperate Urge to devour the teeming Populations and fabulous natural Wealth of Africa and Asia. As the 20th Century dawned, the Imperialist Sharks began attacking each other (as sharks in a Feeding Frenzy will). The larger Capitalist Sharks naturally overcame the smaller, and the surviving Giants continued slashing and biting each other all over the planet. But the larger they grew, the more Prey the Capitalist Sharks needed. Soon the various Species were forming into great Schools for the purpose of mutual Aggression. Political Ichthyologists distinguish at least four such groupings: the freemarketus omnovorus, the fascii viciocii, the stalinia rapacia, and the theocraticus ferocius. After each Orgy of Mutual Destruction, the surviving Individuals enjoyed a few prosperous Years of fat Feeding until leaner Years drove them to new Hecatombs. By the 21st Century, the older Occidental Species of capitalist Sharks were being challenged in their former Feeding Grounds by younger breeds of fast-growing Chinese, Indian, Iranian, Russian and Brazilian capitalist Sharks, better adapted for preying on the local varieties of Fish and increasingly more competitive. Soon new Oceans were churning with Blood, but with so many Sharks competing, the Supply of Big Game Fish was soon depleted and there were only the Masses of Little Fish left to prey on. The most successful capitalist Sharks in this war of All against All tempered their Ferocity with Guile. As the pickings got slimmer, these smarter Sharks adopted Protective Coloration to lurk in shallow Shoals where they could sneak up on the Littler Fish (the only ones left) and devour them. Some clever capitalist Sharks painted themselves Green; some even pretended to be Vegetarians the better to lull their Prey! As early as 1930, the German capitalist Shark specialist Herr Doktor Bertolt Brecht predicted this phenonmenon: 'If sharks were men there would be an end to all little fish being equal, as is the case now. Some would be given important offices and be placed above the others. Those who were a little bigger would even be allowed to eat up the smaller ones. That would be altogether agreeable for the sharks, since they themselves would more often get bigger bites to eat. And the bigger little fish, occupying their posts, would ensure order among the little fish, become teachers, officers, engineers in box construction, etc.' Following in Herr Brecht's august Footsteps, your humble Author has spent the past fifty Years patiently collecting Specimens of 'vegetarian' Shark behavior among both Left-finned and Right-finned Species from every corner of the Globe. These Anatomical Descriptions are designed to help the Reader recognize the different Species as they swim across the Aquarium of her TV Screen. This Taxonomy of Capitalist Sharks is his modest scientific Contribution to the Cause of the Working People and other Small Fry in a Class Struggle which the Rich have been waging against the Poor as a one-way affair for far too long. Recent studies in Political Ichthyology have identified seventeen new species of Vegetarian Sharks, including the Oxymoronic Clean-Coal Shark, the Great Green Oil-Derrick Shark, the Elusive Trickle-Down Economics Shark, the Philanthropic-Billionaire Shark, the Humanitarian War Shark, The Compassionate Conservative Shark, the Safe Nuclear Power Shark, the Slippery Shared-Sacrifice Shark, and the Change-You-Can-Believe-In Shark. These Corporate Sharks pretend to be Vegetarians, but never forget they really are Man-eating capitalist Sharks! No point in trying to get them to give up Human Flesh or even go on a Diet, as Liberal Reformers urge us to do. They can't. It's not in their Nature. Today, all these 'Vegetarian' Species are flourishing, despite the increasing Mistrust of the Little Fish, some of whom even want to ban Sharks of any kind from entering the Shoals (!) Indeed, through Natural Selection the surviving Little Fish have become smarter, and today Little-Fish Scientists and Whistle-Blowing Blowfish have been trying to understand why so many Little Fish continue to be fooled by their predators' apparently transparent 'vegetarian' Disguises. Recent Observations indicate that new species of Corporate Sharks have evolved glowing, Multicolored Media Eyes with which they are able to hypnotize their Prey. Other Corporate species inject a poisonous green Substance called 'Campaign Contributions' into the Small Fish Assembly - effectively paralyzing its Members. The Corporate Sharks also fatten the Judas Goatfish who 'represent' the Little Fish by luring them into the open jaws of Lurking Privatizer Sharks who swallow up the very Schools in which the Fish Children learn to swim. Judas Goatfish also lurk 'innocently' within NGOs, Think-Tanks, Universities, Trade-Union Bureaucracies and Left political Parties, so watch out! The Irony of this painful Jest is that the Billionaire Sharks and their Judas-Fish Enablers keep bleating 'Class War!' every time some moderate Little-Fish Liberal dares to pronounce Anathema Words like 'Taxing' and 'Spending.' The Billionaire Sharks don't want the Little Fish to tax their bloated Corporate Profits and spend on the public Goods like Education, Housing, Hospitals, Infrastructure, the Environment, Healthcare, Retirement, Childcare, Mass Transit, Drug and Alcohol Treatment - Goods the Little Fish desperately need. Since 1980 the Neo-Liberal Privatiser Sharks waging this globalized Class War have succeeded in devouring most of these Public Goods in the so-called 'Developing' World, and now their Gaping Jaws are taking great Bites out of the 'Advanced' Countries. Today, the Capitalist Sharks first sighted off South America half a Millennium ago in 1492 continue devouring the Planetary Commons, penetrating every remote Corner of the Earth, privatizing the Water, fouling the Air, killing off the Animals and enslaving the People in their ever-increasing Hunger for more Profits. Since the Crash of 2008, a world-wide Depression has settled in, while irreversible Catastrophic Climate Change looms closer and closer. Predatory Capitalism is no more likely to reform itself than a Man-Eating Shark to turn vegetarian. It is high time for the Billions of us Small-fry Fish to turn the tables by uniting globally to prosecute Class War against the Billionaire Loan Sharks who rule the World. The name of the Game is 'Billions vs. Billionaires.'* Number is our strong suit. "We are many, they are few" famously said the Poet Shelley. So if there is even one chance in a hundred of winning this Game, Planetary Self-Organization is the card for us to play. Not by fighting capitalist Violence with more Violence, Terror against Terror, Barracuda vs. Shark but through Solidarity and united Resistance (in any case, they have all the guns). Sound like a pipe-dream? Just remember this, Dear Reader: the Day all of us Little Working Fish wake up and go on a planetary General Strike is the Day when the Power of the Bankers and Corporations dissolves into thin Air. Thanks to the Internet, mass global civil disobedience can be organized in Real Time. That day could be tomorrow.** Richard Greeman is a long time socialist and international activist best know for his studies and translations of Victor Serge, the Franco-Russian novelist and revolutionary. His recent book Beware of Vegetarian Sharks: Radical Rants and Internationalists Essays (Illustrated) is available online at www.lulu.com/content/923573 (free downloads). He can be contacted at: rgreeman@gmail.com
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